Strange Dreams

Not much sleep last night... woke at 1:30 and was up for a couple hours before deciding to try again... tried again to no avail, so washed my hair, did some house work and when I finally fell asleep this morning around 5:30 I had very vivid dreams that finally woke me up around 7 - dreams like my front yard was kind of wild,... things were growing up and trees had been knocked down.  There were stumps every where and ratty dressed children playing on them, windy and chilly, I wondered where their parents were.  One of them was up in Larry's garden plowing.  The ground was so black and he had worked it enough, it was fine and smelled so rich.  I told Ginny about this man plowing Larry's garden and she said I'd given him permission.  I guess I did if she said so, but it was still kind of strange to see someone up there, when we both tried to remain kind of isolated back here.

Then I got back to Ginny's house after working all day only to have her tell me she was exhausted because the man I'd hired to do some work on her house had made her carry heavy hoses around the house for him to use.  I was so mad.  I stomped around the house to find men standing around drinking something. The head man was young and very fit - had no shirt on and was very cocky.  I told him I had hired HIM to do the work and paid him very well to do all the work and NOT my sister.  He just laughed and said "well that's the problem with sisters" - I was just livid. It was just unbelievable to me that all those men were fit and young and still had the grey haired sister fetching and carrying for them - MAD!

Woke to snow and cold and an undecided day.  Katie wants me to meet her in Hagerstown. I don't want to be gone from Ginny for so long, especially since I plan on being gone all day tomorrow... if I can get Frannie to come help her.  

It also came to me in the middle of the night that I've been avoiding the fact that Larry is gone.  It's really so easy to do - just to tell myself not to think about it.  I've mastered that particular gift long ago and most of the time can pull it off with no problem.  Last night was harder.  How long can I keep shutting it out?  as long as I can, evidently.