Tears in my Ears

I’ve got tears in my ears from lying on my back while crying over you

… The words to this old song came to me whilst lying on my back on the couch crying… it’s 2014 a year he’ll never be in… 2 days ago it was 4 weeks since he died… tomorrow is a month… etc.

The thoughts that run thru my mind, I’m sure are normal, they’re just so painful.  Whilst cleaning, I wonder how long it will be before there are none of his fingerprints left in my house?   How long will it be before there’s no scent of him in his closet? How long til’ a day passes without pain?  I know a year of firsts is a milestone.  So this is the first New Years Day alone.  I can’t imagine what the next year will bring.

I should be building myself up spiritually.  I should be reading Scripture to surround my mind and heart with comfort of the ages.  I have promises, a whole book full of them that I’m not utilizing.  And the thought comes… I still have to go thru the process – I still have to do the time that brings me out on the other side.

Today I have to dry mom’s clothes.  Today I have to wash my hair.  Today I have to get things together for the probate appt. tomorrow.  These are the things I have to do. And so I will…