Early Morning # 1

So named because I'll most likely be posting in the early morning with no thought or direction available to me yet...

The daughter is coming to see us today.  I hope she brings the book she's been telling me about.  Something I read and marked up/commented on throughout.  I don't remember the book and likely won't even after looking at it.  It was during what I call the "lost years"...

It's funny, I once found a Bible I had bought and evidently spent a great amount of time in, once again commenting in the margins and highlighting passages throughout with no memory of the book at all.  I think I gave it to my son.  Hopefully something I've marked will touch him sometime in the future.  Perhaps when his mother is no longer here to point things out to him.  Coincidence?  I think not.

The whole "it could be coincidence" thing has been happening a lot lately.  Coming to mind first is the car.  I had a perfectly good car, one I loved, very comfortable with all the bells and whistles you could want... a huge car just like the one that saved the life of myself and my granddaughter several years ago.  I got it in my head, tho, that I needed a small car - with the bells and whistles, but better gas mileage and sitting high off the ground so that I could drive to church after dark and be above the headlights of oncoming traffic.  So I got one - then there's the pants... I didn't really need new pants, but tried these on (half price sale at Kohl's with a 30% coupon) and since I liked the way they looked, as always, I bought 3 pair... They were a little loose, but if I washed them in hot water and dried them, surely they would shrink up...  and then there's the minister friend I've known since I was young... who lived nearby, and tho I hadn't talked to him in years, was still there.  Kind of like an old security blanket.  I didn't use our friendship much, but it was nice to know he was there if ever a need arose.  A few months ago he announced he was moving to Baltimore to start a new job... one he's particularly suited for - I thought it would be sad to lose his proximity, but since I didn't have close contact, that would be OK - I did want tho, to talk to him before he left - just to let him know I was OK and that I was well on my way to recovery from the depression that had marred so many years of my life. And then there's the whole Humana thing - that strongly recommended Larry get a colonoscopy now - soon - do it!!!  So we made appt. with a Dr. I'd seen before and on our first visit, he looked at test results our family Dr. had posted and seeing how high his tumor marker was (even tho we'd had a CAT scan that showed nothing,... called the best liver Dr. in Baltimore to see Larry ASAP - Two days later we took the tiny car I didn't need, wearing the pants that didn't shrink to an appt. with a Dr. we didn't know to have a MRI that showed clearly Hubby does indeed have liver cancer.  (do I start a new paragraph now?)

At any rate, I would have had a terrible time trying to maneuver the huge Buick around the unfamiliar Baltimore, to say nothing of trying to pay for gas and get home after dark with lights shining in my eyes... and sitting for the 2 hours it takes to get to Baltimore  plus sitting in hospital for days then driving back again means I'm so bloated and uncomfortable, no pair of pants I had would have allowed me any comfort at all... so I bought suspenders to keep these up and, even tho the minister friend hasn't been in Baltimore at the same time we are yet, it's good to know the security blanket is firmly in place and even if I don't have contact, except thru text/phone, I firmly believe if I need him, he'll be there...

This is how my relationship with the Father has always been,... more seeming coincidence than true guidance and leading... I've always said, obedience is easy, trust is hard - and it's as true today as it was when I was young... I trust there are no coincidences -