In a state of flux...

Hoping that word means what I think it does... just kind of in limbo - not emotionally one place or the other (I think we've gotten over the shock) no real revelations from the Father (praying the scripture didn't work out so well) Larry's neither better or worse (that we can see) - just being.

I've not been thinking about the future or what it will mean to us - since his treatment, he's been in so much pain that the only hope we have is that it's the chemo killing the cancer.  Until we go back to the Dr. on the 11th, we won't know if it's working or not.  and even if it is, for how long? and will he continue to be in so much pain? and will he think it's worth it? and will the transplant board accept him as a candidate?

Using the scripture as a prayer guide isn't what I need at present.  I feel (emphasis on feel) like until God reveals what's next, that my faith is in limbo too - this isn't something I can easily explain, but until I see Him do something that verifies what I already know,... I guess I'm one of those who needs a sign (perhaps another non-coincidence)?.  Even tho I know with my head that all is  exactly as it should be.  So little sister introduced me to a minister (I don't even know his name) who has an online sermon series based on verse by verse lessons on Romans.  He's very thorough and my faith is fed thru his constant reminders that we live and are saved by faith.

The medicine seems to be working (or else I have just gotten used to the idea of Larry's cancer).  I noticed that, still, like it was with Dad, I can be doing fine until someone asks about Him and I have to talk about it.  Then the tears start. 

I've had an earache for the last few days that's very reminiscent of how I felt when I had shingles.  I've started taking old meds that were leftover - and it seems to be working.  I really need to get the shot.  The thoughts of myself being incapacitated when there's so much only I can do is overwhelming.

So I haven't been posting.  I guess the very fact that I have nothing new to post is what's post worthy.  HA!