Today at 7:09 AM
Woke from a nap feeling the full force of my new normal. Walked in the door and immediately looked to see if his bedroom door was closed (meaning he was sleeping) then looked toward the bathroom to see if he was in there – only to be hit again with the fact that he’s nowhere to be found and won’t. I was on the phone with Ginny and screamed "NO" – falling to the floor and bursting not into tears but howling deep gut wrenching mourning that made her drop the phone and rush over – for some reason she wound up on the floor with me but she was laughing (perhaps at the noises I was making)? Very disturbing way to come to consciousness…
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